The Orange Dress: A Moment of Clarity

In a moment of clarity, I know these will be few and far between.  I know the struggle that lays in front of me, the jealousy the monsters, the doubt the rage.  And I know what will become of me if I don’t beat this.  I’ve tasted the drowning waters, the wretched sea of loneliness and a life barren and without you.

So in my moment of clarity– I release you.  I release you from the promise of the big house, with a big yard, with big dogs.  I release you from the dream of reading to our children together.  I release you from the memory of thousands of home cooked meals, conversations over wine, and movies together curled up on your bed.  I release you from your father walking you down the aisle to a sea of smiling faces, and me standing there waiting for you at the end, which would have truly just been the beginning of everything for us.  I release you from the promise of a life together, of growing old together and ultimately dying together.  I release you from everything we spoke of, everything we dreamed of and everything I ever hoped us to be.  I release you from every time you told me you loved me, and that I was “the one”, and how those words carried me forward for so long.

This was our dream.  Now it is just my dream.  And it is time to fold it up and put it away for someone else to one day have.  I release you from all of this.  Goodbye love.